Ok, so I am way behind! Thanks for all the reminders...things have been crazy for the last few weeks! So let me just summarize camp up for you...
Camp was full of ups and downs for me. It was amazingly emotional, like way more than I thought. It's kind of funny because I have been semi-prepared for emotional milestones in this grieving process...but I didn't except or think that little Lake Mead would be one of those milestones. Well, it was. I missed my dad so much. More then I have in the last month or so.
We used to take family vacations to Lake Mead almost every year since I was little. I have soooo many memories, good and bad and everywhere in between. The weekend brought up a lot of hurt, and sadness for me, but through that the Lord proved Himself faithful once again. He provided compassion and kindness. Camp, for me, wasn't one of those "mountain top" spiritual experiences. I think it was just a time for the Lord to speak practical...this is what I want from you and for you into my life.
Thursday was a super rough day. I was really mad at God on Thursday. I was mad that my dad wasn't around for me to call and tell him how good the weather was or how perfect the lake was for wake boarding, simple things that I so desired at that moment. Thursday night brought a lot of tears and confession of anger. It always amazes me how patient God really is with me. That even in those moments of "I seriously don't like you right now" He is still reaches down and gives me a little "It's ok. I understand and I'm still here."
Friday morning, I went to go have my Thai Time with the Lord and He spoke something to me that at the point I was at, was so profound...Thankfulness. To constantly have a spirit of thankfulness, regardless of your circumstances. My situation and my feelings don't dictate how much I have to be thankful for. The fact of the matter is this...no matter how much God has taken away, He has given so much more. So, I spent the rest of the weekend trying to change my perspective on being thankful and the way that I thank the Lord. I don't want to just thank Him for all that He's done for me, I want to be thankful and be aware of all the He IS! He is so much more than I can understand and fathom. I want to always be pouring out thanks to Him for simply being who He is.
I had to put that into practice on Saturday when I took a bit of a spill on the lake. I was extremely irritated and mad at myself for getting hurt and having to sit all day...I tried to tell the people around me it wasn't a big deal, I was fine, whatever (that's my dad in me...stubborn beyond belief). Anyways, I spent that time just thinking and meditating on how even that circumstance, I still have so much right at my finger tips. After coming home, I went to the doctors and it turns out that turning that little spill, I fractured 2 ribs...
Anyways, that is just a little something that the enemy tried really hard to get me down with...God wasn't having it. God is bigger and better than anything I could ever imagine. He loves me more and cares for me more than anyone else ever could. I am amazingly thankful for everything that He is and for the place that He has brought me. Even through my circumstances of pain and grief God has used it to bring to a place of better understanding and really just more of who I feel like I'm really suppose to be. So Praise God for that.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Thai Time...Day 3
Today was all about FREEDOM! I read something yesterday in Psalm 142 that I really just meditated on today. "Set me free from my prison, that I may praise Your name."
I woke up and the Lord reminded me of that bit from yesterday. The Lord sets us free from our prison so that we may praise Him. I wasn't sure why I had that on my heart all day until a little bit before service tonight and after.
I have been meeting with a lady at the church to just talk through grief and different things going on in my life and she is great because she will tell me how it is. While we were talking, she pointed out to me that I work myself up for no reason a lot of the time. I work myself up about a false reality that I choose to make real in my thought process, so her challenge for me was to work on objectively looking at situations...
I don't know why, but I felt really uneasy as I headed down to service and during worship, I found myself hysterical in the back of the room with floods of guilt, shame and regret about some recent situations in my life rushing over me. It just so happened that the topic of the message was REPENTANCE! Funny...
Repent, meaning to turn away from whatever it is that is holding you back. As he was speaking, I could feel the Lord stirring up some "little" things in me, just attitudes or thoughts or feelings, etc., that it was time for me to turn away from, but it's never easy to abandon things that you don't even notice you do because you do them so often.
After church, I went for a drive with Jesus. I am a driver. I drive when I just need to "work it out". As I talked with the Lord this concept of freedom was at the forefront of my mind and my heart...It kind of made sense. As I worshiped and talked with the Lord, I kept apologizing, over and over. I felt like the Lord almost stopped me finally and was just like..."Hey, you only have to tell me once! It's done!"
There is such freedom in those few words...IT'S DONE! It's finished, it is no longer important, it's no longer an issue. Walk in FREEDOM.
The Lord sets prisoners free. He breaks chains that bind. He delights in and loves the righteous. Be humble, admit you made a mistake and then let the Lord pick you up and walk. I told God what I did, what I was ashamed of, mistakes made, bad decisions made...I told Him and in replace of my anxiety and brokenness, He gave amazing peace and joy. He freely gives those things. All He requires in openness. He wants us to be real with Him. I couldn't narrow it down to one or two things...so I took an hour and drove around confessing and repenting before the Lord. Goodness knows there are still plenty of things for me to turn away from, but you have to start somewhere.
These are a few verses that really stuck out to me when I was reading and praying about freedom. I found these verses incredibly encouraging, some as a reminder that no matter what the prison is...God can open the doors and set us free. It could be an addiction or an attitude or sickness or grief...other's as a reminder that we are continuously a work in progress, which isn't a bad thing. Progress is good, no matter how slow or fast...and finally, because God freely pardons. God gives because He wants to. He gives mercy because He wants to. He sets us free because He wants to be near us. What could be more encouraging than that? As wretched and sinful as I am, God sets me free. He freely gives mercy and He freely pardons.
"The Lord sets prisoners free,
the Lord gives sight to the blind,
the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down,
the Lord loves the righteous."
- Psalm 146: 7b-8
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lords glory, are being transformed into His likeness with every-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
- 2 Corinthians 3: 17-18
"Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon."
- Isaiah 55: 7
I won't be posting for the next couple days...I will be at Lake Mead for college camp. Please keep us in your prayers. I'll have more Thai Time blurbs coming your way Monday!
Love you all!
I woke up and the Lord reminded me of that bit from yesterday. The Lord sets us free from our prison so that we may praise Him. I wasn't sure why I had that on my heart all day until a little bit before service tonight and after.
I have been meeting with a lady at the church to just talk through grief and different things going on in my life and she is great because she will tell me how it is. While we were talking, she pointed out to me that I work myself up for no reason a lot of the time. I work myself up about a false reality that I choose to make real in my thought process, so her challenge for me was to work on objectively looking at situations...
I don't know why, but I felt really uneasy as I headed down to service and during worship, I found myself hysterical in the back of the room with floods of guilt, shame and regret about some recent situations in my life rushing over me. It just so happened that the topic of the message was REPENTANCE! Funny...
Repent, meaning to turn away from whatever it is that is holding you back. As he was speaking, I could feel the Lord stirring up some "little" things in me, just attitudes or thoughts or feelings, etc., that it was time for me to turn away from, but it's never easy to abandon things that you don't even notice you do because you do them so often.
After church, I went for a drive with Jesus. I am a driver. I drive when I just need to "work it out". As I talked with the Lord this concept of freedom was at the forefront of my mind and my heart...It kind of made sense. As I worshiped and talked with the Lord, I kept apologizing, over and over. I felt like the Lord almost stopped me finally and was just like..."Hey, you only have to tell me once! It's done!"
There is such freedom in those few words...IT'S DONE! It's finished, it is no longer important, it's no longer an issue. Walk in FREEDOM.
The Lord sets prisoners free. He breaks chains that bind. He delights in and loves the righteous. Be humble, admit you made a mistake and then let the Lord pick you up and walk. I told God what I did, what I was ashamed of, mistakes made, bad decisions made...I told Him and in replace of my anxiety and brokenness, He gave amazing peace and joy. He freely gives those things. All He requires in openness. He wants us to be real with Him. I couldn't narrow it down to one or two things...so I took an hour and drove around confessing and repenting before the Lord. Goodness knows there are still plenty of things for me to turn away from, but you have to start somewhere.
These are a few verses that really stuck out to me when I was reading and praying about freedom. I found these verses incredibly encouraging, some as a reminder that no matter what the prison is...God can open the doors and set us free. It could be an addiction or an attitude or sickness or grief...other's as a reminder that we are continuously a work in progress, which isn't a bad thing. Progress is good, no matter how slow or fast...and finally, because God freely pardons. God gives because He wants to. He gives mercy because He wants to. He sets us free because He wants to be near us. What could be more encouraging than that? As wretched and sinful as I am, God sets me free. He freely gives mercy and He freely pardons.
"The Lord sets prisoners free,
the Lord gives sight to the blind,
the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down,
the Lord loves the righteous."
- Psalm 146: 7b-8
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lords glory, are being transformed into His likeness with every-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
- 2 Corinthians 3: 17-18
"Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon."
- Isaiah 55: 7
I won't be posting for the next couple days...I will be at Lake Mead for college camp. Please keep us in your prayers. I'll have more Thai Time blurbs coming your way Monday!
Love you all!
Thai Time...Day 2
Today's Thai Time was a little different than yesterday. Today, I found myself really desperate to be near the Lord. I mean, I am always trying to seek after the Lord and really rely on Him, but today was one of those days that you really understand how much you need the Lord.
Every chance I got, I couldn't help but cry out to Him. I needed to be refreshed and to be encouraged and just to know that the Lord still had everything under control. Some days I forget that the Lord knew and knows what He's doing. So today, I just prayed that the Lord would remind me and give me some encouragement along those lines. In my reading, I came to Psalm 142...
The Lord showed me a few things...
1. He wants us to talk OPENLY with Him. He wants us to share everything that is going on...to complain, to be mad, to be sad, to be confused, to repent, and everything in between. There isn't any safer environment to be open and be honest than with the living God.
2. God sustains us. When we grow faint, only He knows what we need. He is the only one who understands and knows exactly what we feel and what we need and what we desire.
3. When it feels like we are running the race alone, He is our refuge and our companion.
4. We only need to cry out...God listens to the cries of His children. He waits expectantly to hear from us and He delights in every minute of it.
5. We are desperate for God. He is the only one who can bring us through the rough spots. Only He can set us free.
6. We MUST praise the Lord. We need to rejoice in the freedom we have in Christ and we need to do it together, corporately. Everything God does in us is for the glory of the kingdom. We need to praise Him for His work and then we need to affirm each other in those changes. Give God glory...
I know, I know, that's kind of a lot. The practical application (by that, I mean what the Lord putting specifically on my heart) is this...In the rough moments, when things seem to be at their worst, God is there. In the good moments when growth and restoration are happening, God is there. He is never far from me. I worry sometimes that the Lord is going to get sick of hearing about how it really sucks that my dad is gone, but then I read these verses and I see that God wants to know. He wants me to tell Him how I feel. He wants me to share the battles that are raging inside of me, and in return He promises mercy, compassion, freedom, and refuge. He is my portion in the land of the living and He sets me free from my prison. He is my supply and everything that I need, long for and seek after.
Every chance I got, I couldn't help but cry out to Him. I needed to be refreshed and to be encouraged and just to know that the Lord still had everything under control. Some days I forget that the Lord knew and knows what He's doing. So today, I just prayed that the Lord would remind me and give me some encouragement along those lines. In my reading, I came to Psalm 142...
I cry aloud to the Lord;
I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
I pour out my complaint before Him;
before Him I tell my trouble.
When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is You who know my way.
In the path where I walk
men have hidden a snare for me.
Look to my right and see;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.
I cry to you, O Lord;
I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living."
Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise Your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
because of Your goodness to me.
I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
I pour out my complaint before Him;
before Him I tell my trouble.
When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is You who know my way.
In the path where I walk
men have hidden a snare for me.
Look to my right and see;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.
I cry to you, O Lord;
I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living."
Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise Your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
because of Your goodness to me.
The Lord showed me a few things...
1. He wants us to talk OPENLY with Him. He wants us to share everything that is going on...to complain, to be mad, to be sad, to be confused, to repent, and everything in between. There isn't any safer environment to be open and be honest than with the living God.
2. God sustains us. When we grow faint, only He knows what we need. He is the only one who understands and knows exactly what we feel and what we need and what we desire.
3. When it feels like we are running the race alone, He is our refuge and our companion.
4. We only need to cry out...God listens to the cries of His children. He waits expectantly to hear from us and He delights in every minute of it.
5. We are desperate for God. He is the only one who can bring us through the rough spots. Only He can set us free.
6. We MUST praise the Lord. We need to rejoice in the freedom we have in Christ and we need to do it together, corporately. Everything God does in us is for the glory of the kingdom. We need to praise Him for His work and then we need to affirm each other in those changes. Give God glory...
I know, I know, that's kind of a lot. The practical application (by that, I mean what the Lord putting specifically on my heart) is this...In the rough moments, when things seem to be at their worst, God is there. In the good moments when growth and restoration are happening, God is there. He is never far from me. I worry sometimes that the Lord is going to get sick of hearing about how it really sucks that my dad is gone, but then I read these verses and I see that God wants to know. He wants me to tell Him how I feel. He wants me to share the battles that are raging inside of me, and in return He promises mercy, compassion, freedom, and refuge. He is my portion in the land of the living and He sets me free from my prison. He is my supply and everything that I need, long for and seek after.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Thai Time...Day 1
Thai Time Day 1 consisted of a lot of checking myself and trying to work through priorities and what's really important to me. I decided that I needed to decide what should come first and why. Nothing much to say here, just an encouragement...if you haven't recently made a list, you should.
What is really important to you? What do you devote the most time to? How does that change your day or attitude about the day? Different things effect us different ways and when we are continuously consumed with the same things, it's bound to start effecting you one way or the other. So how does your daily routine effect you? I just only started a list and realized that I was gonna need to think about it over the course of a few days in order to have a better look at myself, so that it kind of task one for the next week: To make a list of priorities and a list of things that really need to be minimized or cut out completely. I'll you all know how it goes...
What is really important to you? What do you devote the most time to? How does that change your day or attitude about the day? Different things effect us different ways and when we are continuously consumed with the same things, it's bound to start effecting you one way or the other. So how does your daily routine effect you? I just only started a list and realized that I was gonna need to think about it over the course of a few days in order to have a better look at myself, so that it kind of task one for the next week: To make a list of priorities and a list of things that really need to be minimized or cut out completely. I'll you all know how it goes...
Monday, August 4, 2008
It's true...it's time for something new!
Since I have been home, the Lord as been putting a lot on my heart in my time with Him. So now that I am home, this blog thing is gonna kind of switch a little bit. The Lord has been putting it on my heart to dive into His word and into His presence, much more than I do and have before. He has shown me the importance of continuously being with Him over the last few months and finding my strength and my joy in Him and in His promises, like I wrote about a few weeks ago.
I am going to be doing daily (hopefully) posts about my "Thai Time" (thanks for the name Luis). For the next month, well at least starting for now...maybe longer) I am going to be setting aside at least an hour or two everyday to just be, to just be with the Lord. I'll read and pray and spend time with Him and just wait on the Lord. So everyday, for somewhat of accountability as well as discussion, I'll post little blurbs about something that stood out to me, etc.
So that's what I am up to for now. Today is day one! I haven't had my "Thai Time" yet so I will be posting something a little bit later on in the day...hope to hear from all of you and if I don't post stuff for a few days feel free to check in with me to make sure I am in fact doing it! I may need some help to allow myself some time to just relax and not think about all the stuff I have to do...I tend to over book myself some times.
Ok so love you all! Check back later for Day one!
I am going to be doing daily (hopefully) posts about my "Thai Time" (thanks for the name Luis). For the next month, well at least starting for now...maybe longer) I am going to be setting aside at least an hour or two everyday to just be, to just be with the Lord. I'll read and pray and spend time with Him and just wait on the Lord. So everyday, for somewhat of accountability as well as discussion, I'll post little blurbs about something that stood out to me, etc.
So that's what I am up to for now. Today is day one! I haven't had my "Thai Time" yet so I will be posting something a little bit later on in the day...hope to hear from all of you and if I don't post stuff for a few days feel free to check in with me to make sure I am in fact doing it! I may need some help to allow myself some time to just relax and not think about all the stuff I have to do...I tend to over book myself some times.
Ok so love you all! Check back later for Day one!
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