Praise the Lord, O my soul

So, I am one of the most horrible bloggers of all time! I'm working on getting better...I really am...I have been feeling like my life is completely crazy. I am going, going, going...balancing this and that and juggling the other thing too; between work and church and family and relationships and everything else it leaves not a lot of time.

So tonight I was reading Psalm 103 and few things that both beat me in the face and encouraged me. So I figured I'd share them with you...

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits - who forgives all your sins, and heals all your diseases, and redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things..."
- Psalm 103:1-5a

This just reminded me that the Lord not only sees me, but sees me and loves me anyway. He sees my bad attitude, my frustration, my selfishness, my sometimes bitter heart; and forgives, heals, redeems, and satisfies my soul.

He created me and formed me and knows me. "He knows how we are formed and remembers we are dust (vs.14)." God knows our innermost parts, thoughts, desires, issues, and sin. He sees it all and is so loving and compassionate and full of grace to completely forget it ever happened. That brings me so much joy and peace. Peace knowing that I am found in my Daddy's arms and safe in Him and joy knowing that His grace and mercy is new for me everyday.

PRAISE THE LORD, O MY SOUL, PRAISE THE LORD!!!!


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Meh...my mouth

I really used to struggle with my mouth and with the things that fly out and with the words that I say and things that I do. And lately that part of my flesh has been rearing it's ugly and really awful head and I hate it.

I said things today in a conversation with someone I really love out of frustration and annoyance and stress and well, just plain sin.

I say things and immediately regret them and I speak with a tone that is so easily taken for frustration. I have allowed my heart and my mind to be burdened with stresses of life and out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks...thus causing a hardcore appointment with humility and Jesus...

The Word says the tongue can build up or tear down, it can encourage or discourage and today I did all the worst of those. So as I spend time in the Word and with the Lord, this is what I've got.

I'm sorry Lord. Forgive me. Replace stress, sadness, frustration, hurt, etc. With your overflowing grace, peace and joy. I love You and help me to tireless love Your children and the people You've given in my life. That I would honor, love, and respect them and be more of the women You 'be intended me to be.


So that's all from me tonight...a little bit of honesty.

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It's been a while...

Well gosh...I was reminded today from multiple sources that it had been a EXTREMELY long time since I'd posted.

Tonight I was Amazingly humbled by the goodness and grace of the Lord. I am worship leader and I wholeheartedly believe that He has has appointed and called me to grow in that aspect of my ministry, as well as, using the talents the Lord has blessed me with.

The great thing is that the Lord totally doesn't need me, which is was reminded of tonight as I epically failed during tonights set. :)

I'm thankful that the Lord doesn't require perfection or anything really even close. He just requires a willing and pliable heart.

I have failed and sinned and am so unworthy of the things that the Lord has asked of me yet He is so patient and kind. I am dirty and wretched but I so want to do what is right. Even though I daily fail and sin in major ways I so want to be used by the Lord.

I'm reading in Samuel right now and I just really want to be like Samuel who responds with "here I am." I'm sorry that I failed You yet again but here I am. Use me and help me to be more like You.

So that's just what I had on my mind. I assure you It won't be another year and some change til my next post.


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Withhold

Why do I try to withhold things from the Lord? Everything I am and everything I have is the Lord's. It all belongs to Him so I do try to control it?

Abraham was willing to give up his only son and the fulfillment of God's covenant with him because God told him too. He did just as God had said from being to end...right up to the point where he was mid sacrifice.

It's because Abraham withheld nothing from God that He knew that he feared Him. I want God to know that I fear Him. I don't want to withhold from the Lord. I want what He wants and I want to give Him everyhing I have...even the things that would be difficult to sacrifice.

Patient

I love how patient the Lord is...when we laugh and don't believe and think that what we desire is outside of the scope of possibilty, He very simply asks, "is there anything too hard for the Lord?"

When I feel like there isn't anyway that what I desire is possible because I have done too much wrong or I have messed up or there is just too much opposition...the Lord very simply responses to my freak out with, "is that really too hard for Me? I have done so many other amazing things...is that really too hard? Just be patient and wait for Me..."

God is just gracious and good and patient and compassionate and tender...He just all around amazes me!!!

Overflow

The thing that stuck to me was this...out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. My desire is that because of God's grace and mercy that He would be evident through the my life and through my mouth. My Lord has done so much for me and I want that to be so clear and evident to everyone who talks to me.

I am not as careful with my tongue as should belt want to be and I really don't like that. I want my mouth to speak ONLY out of the overflow of my heart...then people will see more of Jesus and way less of me which is EXACTLY what I want.

I don't want to be another person that makes people feel bad about this or that or whatever. It's not my job to judge...I'm in the same boat as all humanity...In need of a Savior. I want the humility of being dependant upon the Lord to be visible in my life.

My prayer is that the Lord would continue to grow that in me and that He would make me more humble and that He would give me strength to control myself and my tongue.

Famished

So today is day 5 of my reading throuh the bible in a year regiment. I realized today and over he last couple of days how much I have been missing the Word.

I have definitely not been as diligent as I could or should be in reading the word. Today when I was reading in Genesis through a bunch of names that at time resemble mismatched letters all jumbled together with no spaces and called a word/name...that even through the frustration of reading all those names I feel a little less famished; just for reading.

I felt like I was starving but couldn't figure out what I was hungry for...now I know. I was famished for the word. I feel like I am being satisfied now, and it's only been 5 days...

And everyday I read and blog and journal and allow the Lord to speak to me, I get more excited for the next day and the day after that!

Thankfulness

So today's reading took to the story of Simon's mother-in-law. When I was reading I was particularly taken with the bit that said Jesus healed her and she immediately got up and began to wait on them.

I was just thinking about how good God is to provide food, clothing, shelter, financial provision and also spiritual provision and all of our physical needs. How thankful am I really? I mean I am amazingly thankful but is that reflected through my actions. How readily do I serve the Lord and His people?

Through the overflow of Simon's mother-in-law's thankfulness she immediately got up and started serving them. I want to be like...so thankful for the provision and care that He gives me that I am always drawn to serve those around me.

I have so much to be thankful for I want to wake up and immediately wait on the Lord.

Obediance

Today's post is pretty simple. It's simple yet super difficult. My reading in Gensis brought me to Noah...and I found myself examining my own obediance. Noah was amazingly obediant. It says he found favor in God's eyes and that God remembered him and what he had promised. Noah did just as God had said. He followed His instructions exactly. I know that I am definitely not that obediant. I fight God on what He asks me to do...much more then I would like to admit. It's silly becaue it's not like I think I can do better on my own cause I know from past experience that I definitely can't. I just always have to ask...why?...for how long?...what will happen next?...what do you mean wait?...the list of questions goes on and on and on...

So my prayer for this next year but especially for this season in my life is that I would be more obediant...like Noah. No questions and no hesitations...just yes Lord. I want to find favor with the Lord...like Noah. I want to see the Lords provision and rememberance in my life through the things that He has asked me to scrifice or be blindly obediant in...like Noah.

Favor

It says in Luke that God's favor was on man...I was just thinking about what that means for me. God's favor is on me...he wanted to be in relationship with me and not because He was in lack of anything or in need of something but because He wanted that for me. He wanted me to be in relationship with Him. He allows me to be in His presence and to be near Him and close to Him. He blesses me because He adores me because He chose me. He chose me to be His because of His favor on man. That's so RAD. Not only is it Rad but it makes me see the value of what I have in the Lord. Relationship, friendship, kindness, compassion, grace, love, and the list goes on and on. The amazingness of God and His graciousness to give it all to me...so RAD!!!

Creativity

God's creativity blows my mind...the fact that He saw all of this surrounded by a great expanse of nothing seriously blows my mind! The fact that He saw me from nothing is even more amazing...

Sometimes I get discouraged and wonder what it is that I'm actually good at. I mean yes I'm creative and ic an figure out how to teach myself to do stuff and make some cool things but what does that really do? I can do a bunch of stuff but is it all just stuff or is there a reason for it?

Then I read Gensis and I realize the creativity of the Lord and it gives me q confidence in who I am and what I do. I am made in the image of God and God is the most creative of them all.

Basically...I AM my Father's daughter! :) (or at least I'm tryin to be more like Him...)

It's true...kept promises

So over the past 2 years I have been attempting to teach myself to play the guitar. I love worship and writing and to be able to do both of those things along with instrumentation would be amazing. I was doing pretty good but stopped playing for a long time after my dad passed away...his guitar is now mine and the only song I actually for real know how to play, he taught me. So it was hard for awhile...recently I started taking actual lessons and as I have been practicing I am reminded by something my dad told me when I started to try to play and what my mom has reminded me of a bunch of times since then...

When my mom was pregnant with my sister, her and my dad prayed over her in my moms belly everyday that she would play the piano and sing and everyday they prayed that I would play the guitar and sing. When I told my mom I was going to start taking weekly lessons she reminded me of those daily prayers and she said "I know you can play because we prayed for it and believed it...it's a promise!"

As I think about that, I see the fulfilled promise in my sister's incredible piano playing. I am also amazed at the way the Lord reminds us of His promises through His word and through our daily lives, and I am again reminded that God is always faithful, always true, and always steadfast.

His goodness never fails to completely overwhelm me!!!

It's True...writing, writing, writing

So hi all! Sorry it's been a while since my last post. So what has been going on in the last month?

Just a warning...this is gonna be a long one. Snuggle in and be prepared... :)

This past month, I have been reminded again and again of not just Gods goodness, but His kindness. He is gentle and caring and genuinely delights in our happiness (in Him of course). I have just realized, after thinking about all the things that have gone on, the Lord has so blessed me. He has given me encouragement, hope, creativity, release, and so many other things.

I ended March with a great weekend getaway to Oregon. It was a great time to just hang out with my wonderful friend Katherine, whom I love. We drove for hours and hours and hours...about the 12th hour cabin fever set in, as we began to say all the stores and street signs we saw in different types of accents and laughing soooo hard we were crying. I'm gonna be posting some pictures (which can all be found on facebook...I think) for your viewing pleasure.

Following my return trip (alone mind you...so sad), came the day of my birth. My birthday was pretty low key and relaxed. Overall really good. I was blessed by all the happy birthday wishes and my good friends and family. I was a little worried about the day, seeing as it was the last day that my whole family (daddy included) had dinner together, since exactly one week later, he was gone. To be perfectly honest, for whatever reason, I totally didn't even realize that it was exactly a week until like a month before my birthday when I was actually looking at my calendar. I guess (April) 8 + 7 (days) = (April) 15 never really pushed its way into the smart side of my brain...so after that I spent like 3 weeks worrying about how sad it was going to be going to dinner without him, and even more then not going to dinner is not going to Shiki. Shiki is my most favorite restaurant and I have gone there on my birthday since we moved to Orange. Last year was the 14th birthday dinner we had at Shiki. I haven't been there since my birthday last year and our last family dinner. I have wanted to but the idea of having to tell Richard (our resident server and chef at Shiki) that my dad died kills me. I still don't know if he knows. So the whole idea was scary and stressful.

We ended up going to PF Changs...second favorite place! We also went to Disneyland! I love Disneyland and not only did we go to Disneyland but we went to Disneyland with Danna kids...Danna kids make everything instantly better (I'm semi-biased about the Danna kids cause I love them so much but the idea goes for any kids and babies...they make everything better). We had a great time taking the train and wandering around. All followed by a movie with my momma and 2 of the best friends ever. (AGAIN...the Lord has blessed me abundantly!!!)

Next came "the day"...the one year anniversary. This was another day that I noticed Gods amazing kindness. We were blessed by all the thoughts and love that were sent our way, they were all greatly appreciated. First of all, it was a completely amazingly beautiful day. We went to Peter's Canyon and were reminded again of the beauty that the Lord has created that is all around us. I felt a great sense of peace while I was there, just for the half hour we there. I felt like I was just resting in Him. I knew that same way I knew when I came home that day and my mom told me what happened, that no matter what I fall into His arms. I felt it when I fell down that day that He caught me and I knew at the park that He would always do that. I will ALWAYS be save, protected, loved, comforted, and gently nurtured in the arms of my Lord. It was good day! The icing on top was that I got to have my weekly Caden time at church later on too...again kids make everything better

And last but not least...the last update I have is a new project I am working on. I am working on a book. It's a kids book about loss (specifically of a parent/father)...seeing as that is what I have experienced. My dad was working on a book and that was one of the things we really had in common. We both loved to write and express ourselves that way. I was approached my a friend who asked about what my writing goals were. I said I would have to pray about it and get back to him.

So I was praying about it a couple days before the 15th and while I was praying I was reminded of something that Collette told Carol during the summer after my dad died. She looked at Carol and said, "Grandma, I bet Uncle Guy is swimming in heaven." After I remembered that, I just got to thinking that swimming forever was the greatest thing that Collie could thing of. I mean to be able to swim forever was incredible...

That birthed "Where did daddy go?" (tentative title of course)...the idea is putting daddy being there one and not the next into word pictures that kids would think, "that's the greatest thing ever." For example one of the lines includes riding a bike as fast as wants. All the things that kids wish they could do all the time put that into the concept of heaven and being with Jesus to help explain the "what happens after" someone isn't there anymore.

I am really excited about it and I'm really pleased with the words and writing that I really feel like the Lord has blessed, brought about, and really made happen. I am currently working on layout, illustrations, and publishing...so it's really exciting. If anyone knows of a good illustrator that needs some cheap work...let me know. I can draw a house like it's nobodies business but trying to draw something else...yeah not so much.

So that is what the Lord is doing and working and making happen. I promise it won't be another month til my next post...

It's True...He does the rest

God is so incredible.
I love that all we have to do is come to Him broken...and He does the rest.

I have been having trouble sleeping for just about a week now and I feel completely exhausted. It's 7:30am and I haven't been to bed yet. About an hour ago I pulled out my bible (finally...after tossing and turning for hours...) I read a few chapters, and of course, was almost instantly feeling more encouraged. As I started talking to the Lord, I just said "something just isn't right."

It seems like all it took was that simple realization. Something just isn't right and I know it's me... I believe that as soon as I did that, the Lord gave me this little ditty...which perfectly describes where I have been and what the Lord desires of me (and all of us).

This is my repentance, my prayer, and my desire...

Oh to be near You
to sit by Your side
to hear Your sweet voice
In You I abide

Though I may run
and sometimes I hide
nothing is secret
You see the inside

No matter the distance
or wrongs I have made
When darkness surrounds me
Your light will not fade

So give me the strength
to remain in this place
wrapped up in Your glory
and eternal embrace

It's True...He sees me

"You are the God who sees me"
~Genesis 16:13

God sees me. I love reading the Bible, when you get to a verse that you've ready 1000 times and it just leaps off the page at you. Well this was one of those moments.

The last month has been a little crazy and somewhat discouraging in the fact that I have been sick, with various things, over and over and over again...pretty much non stop. I have been trying to just plug on through but it's been tough.

Reading that one verse today just encouraged me and made me feel a huge sense of peace. God sees me. He sees my sickness and He sees my heart. He sees every inch of who I am, which is incredibly encouraging when you feel like every time you go into the doctors office they look at you like you're crazy...

God not only sees me but He sees whatever it is that is wrong with me as well. He knows what the problem is and He knows how to fix it. He sees me. I'm just in awe of those 3 words...like I really am. Simply because I am so small...just one person, seemingly insignificant (according to the world's standards) and yet God sees me. He takes the time to see me and know me and not because I'm super great and have done anything to do deserve it. Simply because of how fantastic and because of how big He is.

It's Ture...more promises

Well, it appears that I have been subconsciously worried about all sorts of things....Most of my reading and promises have been related to the Lord providing, whether it be financially, with in relationship, rescue, forgiveness, grace, sleep, rest, etc. The Lord ALWAYS provides what we need and He ALWAYS knows what we need. He doesn't forget about us...even if we try to stay away or get lost or wander around in circles for awhile. He still remembers us and He still remembers His promises.

January 3
Psalm 3: 3
But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.

Psalm 3: 5
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.

Matthew 3:11
"I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me will come one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not fit to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire."

January 4
Genesis 8:1
But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind over the earth, and the waters receded.

Genesis 8:22
"As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease."

Psalm 4:8
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

January 5
Psalm 5: 11-12
But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

Matthew 5: 4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Genesis 9:11
I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be cut off by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth."

January 6
Psalm 6:9
The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.

Matthew 6:8
Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

Matthew 6:25
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

Matthew 6:32
For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

Christmas Quilts

So for this Christmas, as part of my grieving process, I decided that I wanted to get crafty...I decided to make quilts for my family out of my dad's old t-shirts, jerseys, and other things. He so much and actually had a lot of stuff to choose from. I definitely didn't have a shortage of clothes to pick from.

So for about a month, all I did was work, eat, sleep, and quilt...It was really difficult and really emotional at times but it was also really good. One of the hardest times I remember was when I was cutting up his aloha shirts...most of them were dry clean only and when you only a wear a shirt for a couple hours at a time and like 3 times a month it doesn't get dry cleaned every week or so. I picked up one of his shirts and started to cut and I just got a huge whiff of him. The shirt still smelled like him because it hadn't been dry cleaned and not wore before he died. It made me miss him like crazy and I just sat there smelling that shirt for like 20 minutes.

I had lots of moments like that through out the process but I also had lots of release and healing as well. So...here are my quilts. Well some of them anyway. Not pictured are my moms and Tiffany and Richards.


Rick and Carol...All those white squares have little music notes on them...
special for Auntie Carol

Grandpa and Grandma...this took FOREVER!!!

Auntie Jamie

Lauren

Alanna...did you know that her hip bone comes up to the top of my rib cage!!!! RIDICULOUS!

Uncle and Auntie...Old Guys Rule...

It's True...Promises

So, on New Year's Eve we got these "life journals" that have a reading schedule to read through the Bible in a year...it's been awhile since the last time I actually read through the entire Bible, so I figured 2009 seems like a great time to start it up again...

When I was praying on New Year's Eve, asking the Lord to prepare me for He had planned, I felt like the Lord spoke something very simple to me...this year I needed to meditate daily on the promises of the Lord. Promises of the Lord through out the scriptures and things that the Lord reveals as promises specifically to me for the next year through out my daily reading.

So, I started yesterday and next to my "daily promises" in my Bible I have started to put a big "P" right next to them and in my life journal I reference them so I know when the Lord gave them to me and where to look for them.

I have decided that I want to share my daily promises with all of you that check in on this lovely little blog of mine...so (almost) everyday (hopefully) I will post my daily promises and if I miss a day I'll post them with the day after...

So here goes...

January 1, 2009
Psalm 1: 3
"He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yield its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers."

Psalm 1: 6
"For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish."

The Lord promises blessing in season. There is always blessing that comes eventually...
Not only does the Lord promises blessing, but He also promises favor, provision, and protection. He promises to watch over the way of the righteous. Those seem like pretty good promises to me...The Lord brings fruit in season and He watches over the way of the righteous. Whatever he does will prosper!


January 2, 2009
Genesis 3:21
"The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them."

Adam and Eve sinned against Lord. They turned and walked away from Him. Even through punishment (being sent out of the garden) the Lord provided for them. He clothed them. He continued to care for them, even in His anger and sadness, He was compassionate and kind to them.

Psalm 2:8
"Ask of me and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession."

God desires to lavish us with good things, we only need ask. He tells us that all we need to do is ask...Just ask and it's yours. "I will make the nations your inheritance...Everything I have I give to you." God is just so amazingly good to us. We just need to tap into the goodness that is waiting right in front of us. All we have to do is reach out and take a hold of it.

Psalm 2:12b
"Blessed are all who take refuge in Him."

God provides. He brings comfort, blessing, and refuge. He is a shield in times of trouble. God blesses those who bless Him and nothing brings Him more joy then to be near us. When we take refuge in Him (through good times and bad) He is delighted and over joyed and pours those things out in abundance upon us! Again, we only need to ask and start grabbing onto the things that the Lord has waiting for us.

SIDENOTE

I started a new blog...just for fun.

Katie told me to review movies...so here is the first

http://kristiesmoviereviews.blogspot.com/

Thai Time...something special for me

Have you ever had one of those things happen that makes you sit down with the Lord and just say, "Thank you. That was special just for me..." I felt like last night was one of those special moments between me and the Lord.

Last night was our annual women's Christmas tea. It's a bit of a traditional for the Danna/Poncy ladies to go on the same night and be served by the men and just have a good time. While I was super excited for the tea this year (because I love the tea...I always have a great time), I was also kind of dreading it.

See every year my dad would serve our table. He was hysterically part of our ladies tradition...simply because he was such a nerd (but in like a serious way, that's why it was so funny). Every year he would wear and vest and a pair of white gloves. Gloves, you might wonder...yeah...I have NO idea. But he was just too funny and he would snag extra of the only things that me and my mom eat (both of us are super picky). The little things like that make it what it was.

I was sad all week in preparation for doing the Christmas tea for the first time with out him and this year we had a comedian come as our guest speaker. She was super funny and genuine and just really in love with the Lord. She shard a verse from Isaiah 61 that the Lord so easily inserted my name in to, it was really just for me (and I'm sure a bunch of the other women in the room) but really it was a me and Jesus moment.

She shared Isaiah 61: 1-3, which I have translated into Jesus' words for me...feel free to do the same. It's quite encouraging (at least it was to me...)

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on you Kristie,
because I have anointed you
to preach good news to the poor.
I have sent you to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
just as I have done for you.
I have bound your broken heart
and I have set you free from captivity and darkness.

I have anointed you to proclaim that this is the year of My favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion, including you Kristie.

I will bestow on you a crown a beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of your mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

You will be called an oak of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord for the displays of His splendor.

Sometimes, especially with the way that I have been feeling lately, it's just nice to know that the Lord hasn't forgotten. He hasn't forgotten about the pain or about how bad it still hurts. He hasn't forgotten and He so desires to comfort me and be near me.